1. In the apartment next door, they're having sex.
2. A bug I don't know the name of came through my window to the light.
3. Covered in sweat with sticky hands, just having run for 30 minutes listening to a large man squat-thrust free weights.
4. His sounds similar to those from next door where they're having sex.
5. The numerals 4 and 8 written on my left hand though I can't remember why.
6. Showered, shucked my clothes to lather; didn't wash the hand.
7. The more I try to clean the room the dirtier it seems.
8. I think everyday Be nicer to your mother, even on days when I'm not mean.
9. Rarely when my phone rings is it something I want to hear.
10. Something bigger than my head inside my head.
11. I should spend more time in extreme climates.
12. Every day is another day with hours that will be wasted.
13. I should spend less time thinking about what time I'm wasting and more about what I'm doing at the moment.
14. I need to force myself to work out longer.
15. Many people live in this building.
16. I can count many pinholes in the wall here and I wonder what used to hang.
17. I’d like to hear children talk more often.
18. I’d like to buy a bike.
19. Very often I find myself wishing I'd spend more time with my father but I mostly don't do anything about it.
20. It's easy to predict things that you'll feel regret for in the future.
21. Wondering how it will feel reading my mom's journal when she is gone. How many times I will want to go back and punch my face.
22. My father talks to the dog and says the same things every day.
23. I've watched a building burn.
24. Sometimes it's hard to tell which way your gut is going.
25. Stop pulling at your goddamn hair.
26. I often realize I'm trying to fall asleep with my fists balled so tightly that it hurts.
27. Money.
28. I don’t think they’re having sex anymore.
29. I’d order pizza if I weren’t alone.
30. I’d like to punch a hole in the wall with my head so I could watch people go by on the other side.
31. The more you check your email, the less there is each time you check it.
32. People screaming at each other upstairs.
33. Five water glasses on my desk, all empty. Don't remember drinking from any one.
34. The arm of my desk chair broken from punching it too much while playing online poker.
35. I'd walk down to my car naked now if I wouldn't get arrested.
36. No matter which way I turn the blinds, light continues to get in.
37. Always waking up with best intentions.
38. The sound of a train outside somewhere though I don’t remember ever seeing any tracks.
39. It feels good to get a thumbs up from an old black man, no matter why.
40. Another day is ending.
41. I don’t even want to masturbate.
42. I promise tomorrow I won't leave my room.
43. Tell me tomorrow it won't rain. Not too much sunshine either.
44. I should pick up rocks more often. I should ask my mother out to lunch. I should smoke cigars with my father in the front lawn and talk about the girls that jog by.
45. Sometimes try things other people suggest even when you know they won't work.
46. I should tomorrow.
47. There’s someone just beyond my door.
48. Someone’s car alarm in the parking lot.
49. I don't see anyone. The moon is on. It's cold and raining. Not much light.
50. I'm going to go outside now.
 

Blake Butler has appeared or is forthcoming in McSweeney's Internet Tendency, Elimae, DIAGRAM, Hobart, Opium, etc. He was born, raised, and currently resides in Georgia. This list is the 15th in a series of 50 lists of 50. Others in the series, as well as other work, can be found at his website: www.deadwinter.com.