Click on photos to enlarge.

(Left to right) Ronald Palmer as Lucrecia, John Koch as Sonatina, Marcus Ewert as Cynthea, and Siobhan Aluvalot as Zubina.	Raul de Nieves and Scout Festa as the Brushes.	Zubina and Sonatina comfort Cynthea after she has her first orgasm.

From the January 19, 2007 performance of Orgasm at Small Press Traffic's Poets Theater Festival in San Francisco.  Directed by Margaret Tedesco, costumes by Siobhan Aluvalot and Raul deNieves.

Sirens
         Zubina
         Sonatina
         Lucrecia

Virgin
          Cynthea

The Brush Cousins
          Mac Brush
          Nars Brush

Sirens—dressed the same sexy outfits. All have bright orange clown dots on their cheeks. Zubina and Sonatina have fabulous big hair. Lucrecia’s hair is somehow different, lopsided, choppy, etc. She’s a bit of a mess. Tone of the Sirens: think Dreamgirls.

Zubina—loves orgasm, uses it all the time, enthusiastic.

Lucrecia—disappointed in orgasm, pessimistic, pouts, antagonistic.

Sonatina—occasional user, more of the intellectual of the group, less emotionally volatile, tries to act as mediator between Zubina and Lucrecia.

Cynthea—dressed girlish with pigtails, no orange clown dots. She’s never tried orgasm, has heard about it, and is curious. Is debating whether or not to try it.

Brushes—they should have some kind of headdresses or wigs that indicate they’re brushes. The head gear on them should be different.

Mac Brush (shorter of the two Brushes)—headdress should be pointy.

Nars Brush (taller of the two Brushes)—headdress should be poufy and splayed.

The Brushes should be dressed similarly and plainly, e.g., monocolored outfits such as tights and matching turtlenecks. Their outfits don’t need to be the same color, but they should be the same otherwise. The brushes represent the phallic, but I don’t see them as masculine, more androgynous. They act like eager pets for the Sirens. They don’t speak, but make lots of happy pet facial expressions, especially when the Sirens pet and fondle them.

peachy
shimmer
glowing

Sonatina: I luurrrveee orgasm!!! So deserving of all the hype.

Zubina: I decided to give orgasm a try when I read that Jennifer Lopez uses it. It really gives you an amazing glow and makes you look very fresh.

Sonatina: I never used orgasm but my mom suggested it. I half expected to try it and come out looking like Cindy Crawford, no such luck, just an improved version of me.

Lucrecia: I wanted so much to like orgasm. I tried it on three different days before giving up on it. Whether I try just a little or a lot I still get the same displeasing results. I’m so sad but at least now I know orgasm isn’t for me.

Cynthea: All the hype we hear about orgasm makes me curious.

Sonatina: [says a bit impatiently] And you are?

Cynthea: [flustered] Me? Oh—I’m Cynthea.

Sonatina: We’re the Sirens.

Cynthea: [enthusiastic yet nervous] Hi! Cynthea.

Lucrecia: And these are the Brush Cousins [gestures towards Brushes]

Zubina: [cuts off Lucrecia as if trying to upstage her] Mac Brush and Nars Brush [Brushes smile and nod eagerly]

Cynthea: Pleased to meet you. I’ve heard so many rave reviews of orgasm but I’m scared it just won’t work for me.

Zubina: Orgasm is a luxury, it’s about having a little treat for yourself.

Sonatina: I’m not very deft with my application, but orgasm is forgiving if I don’t apply it perfectly.

Zubina: It’s basically fool proof.

Sonatina: Beautiful. The trick for me is to use the Brush, not in a sweeping motion but rather dabbing on it. [Brushes perk up.]

Zubina: Applied with a fluffy Brush, orgasm took forever to build. [Nars Brush looks offended.] But when I tried a stiffer Brush, one stroke gave great payoff. [Plays with Mac Brush.] Awesome!

Sonatina: At first I wasn’t too impressed, but I got a bigger Brush and now I’m happy! [Plays with happy Nars Brush.]

Zubina: The Brush I use is very small and tapered and makes a big difference in my orgasm. [Pets Mac Brush, Nars Brush looks jealous.] I thought it was goofy, but right now it is my very favorite Brush!

Lucrecia: I am sooo disappointed. Suckity suckity sucks. Orgasm causes me to break out in a few tiny pimples. I don’t know if it’s the Brush or what that causes me to have this weird reaction. [Brushes look startled.]

Zubina: I believe that those who don’t like orgasm apply it the wrong way [disapproving glance at Lucrecia] . . . just one big smile, a couple of strokes with a good Brush—and off you go!!!

Cynthea: I’ve been dying to try orgasm for almost a year, but I’m a little apprehensive about it. I’m looking for a nice, understated flush, nothing harsh or obvious.

Zubina: Orgasm gives me a natural looking flush, instead of “wow, she looks all sweaty.” After two strokes I rise to a new level of freshness. Orgasm is a great pick-me-up after a night of studying. Great for someone looking for the best of everything.

Sonatina: I didn’t like orgasm when I first tried it, but I ended up going back and playing around with it, and now if I apply it heavier and then blend good I get a nice flush.

Lucrecia: Orgasm, frankly, is mediocre. As Kevin Kline said in "A Fish Called Wanda", "DisapPOINTed!"

Zubina: Orgasm is always great for travel.

Cynthea: After hearing SO many things (good and bad) about orgasm, I have my concerns. Is it REALLY universally flattering?

Sonatina: I was told about it by a coworker. I’ve shared it with my girlfriend and it looked grand on her as well. I think orgasm is versatile and practical for all.

Lucrecia: Orgasm is touted as the best and most universally flattering. This is false. Never have I come across anything so completely UNflattering on me. Orgasm was horribly muddy, even when applied with a light hand.

Zubina: I am absolutely in love with orgasm!

Sonatina: I now see why this has been a cult classic among the young and old for quite a few years now.

Zubina: I recommend it to everyone—both the fearless and the fake flush phobes.

Lucrecia: Just as “there ain’t no free lunch,” “there ain’t no UNIVERSAL”—of anything! Orgasm annoyed me.

Cynthea: I have a phobia of orgasm. I am terrified of looking fake.

Sonatina: There’s been some talk about whether or not orgasm looks natural which I think is beside the point. It’s an art thing. Don’t worry about the natural.

Zubina: If I don’t have time for orgasm in the morning, people ask me if I am not feeling well. He he!

Lucrecia: Orgasm totally sucks. It’s very hard, so you have to grind your Brush into it. [manhandles one of Brushes]

Zubina: [saves Brush] I tried orgasm at home and fell hook line and sinker for it.

Lucrecia: It’s not the most original thing in the world. [Tension mounting—this is a bitch fight.]

Zubina: I will never forget the day I tried it on my cousin. [Tension mounting.]

Lucrecia: Too much orgasm looks unnatural. [Tension mounting.]

Zubina: Orgasm works perfectly for me without having to go overboard. [Tension mounting.]

Lucrecia: I’m seeing too many women using orgasm and it doesn’t suit them. If you are very pale like I am orgasm just looks like dirt. [Tension mounting.]

Zubina: Orgasm is fantastic! I find myself reaching for it often. I never go on a trip without it. [Tension mounting.]

Lucrecia: Orgasm makes you look like a feverish streetwalker. [Tension mounting.]

Sonatina: [Reaching for something to say to ease tension.] Unbelievably, orgasm does live up to all the brouhaha bestowed upon it. It gives me a healthy glow, like I’ve just been out for a brisk walk!

Cynthea: I’m so excited to try this, it comes with such a reputation.

Sonatina: I got asked out TWICE the first day I tried orgasm. TWICE. My only grouse is its horrible rubber which tends to get stuff stuck on it and is almost impossible to wipe off.

Lucrecia: When you use orgasm all the shimmer gets on the rubber and its soooo hard to clean, so after one or two uses the rubber looks all dirty like you’ve had it for years.

Zubina: If you use the right brush it lasts a loooong time. [Pets one or both brushes.] Yes the rubber does get a little dirty but it’s so easy to clean—so don’t listen to anyone who says it stays grubby!

Lucrecia: The rubber is a sucker for dirt and renegade sparkle.

Cynthea: The rubber feels almost like velvet, and of course it’s huge, which reminds me of Carrie in Sex and the City. It does not, curiously enough, have a Brush included.

Lucrecia: But who among us doesn’t have a million extra Brushes lying around? [Sirens chuckle, Brushes look shocked.]

Zubina: Overall, orgasm is fantastic is every way!!! The only downside is when there is no Brush. But what the hell—fingers seem to work just as well! And you don’t need a heavy hand. [More chuckles, Brushes look upset.]

Sonatina: I like to use a large cotton ball instead of a Brush. It really works well! [More chuckles, Brushes look totally appalled.]

Zubina: I only need a light swirl with my Brush. With a good Brush you cannot go wrong. [Brushes perk up and she pets them.]

Sonatina: [to Cynthea] I have tried to be creative and stray from orgasm, but nothing is as good. Stop listening to these numerous numbers of reviews. You’ll see—it will work for you. Just go to the Mall and try it!

Cynthea: I can’t wait a moment longer. I’m off to the Mall to try orgasm. [Brushes rush Cynthea offstage to the Mall.]

peachy
shimmer
glowing

Sonatina: Will she like it?
Zubina: Will she love it?
Lucrecia: Will she hate ?

Refrain

Zubina: Will it change her?
Lucrecia: Will it derange her?
Sonatina: Will it entertain her?

Refrain

Sonatina: Will it delight her?
Zubina: Will it ignite her?
Lucrecia: Will it disappoint her?

Refrain

Cynthea: I’ve jumped on the orgasm bandwagon. I’m glittering like a fairy princess ballerina. Orgasm is good quality stuff, non-irritating and smooth. Count me among orgasm fans! Beautiful, yet subtle glow.

Zubina: Wow wow wow . . . SO pretty.

Sonatina: Perfect glow!

Cynthea: I’m convinced that orgasm came straight from Albus Dumbledore, because only a wizard could create something this good.

Zubina: Orgasm is my Holy Grail.

Lucrecia: Orgasm should be named Worst Sex Ever. It’s hideous. Looks horrible in photos too. [Glances up at screen where videos projected.]

Sonatina: You look completely natural, even in yucky office lighting.

Zubina: A little bit sunny on your face!

Cynthea: I love the shimmer in orgasm. I’m sold for life on this.

Lucrecia: All that shimmer accentuates your pores—be careful.

Sonatina: [Gives Lucrecia a disapproving look.] It gives you a healthy from-within glow, as if you’ve just finished a round of tennis.

Cynthea: I have to say I LOVE ORGASM!!!

Zubina: peachy

Sonatina: shimmer

Lucrecia: [refuses to speak]

Cynthea [weakly]: glowing?

Zubina: peachy

Sonatina: shimmer

Lucrecia: [refuses to speak]

Cynthea: glowing!

And I am telling you
You’re not glowing.
I’m the best Brush you’ll ever know.
There’s no way you have ever, ever glowed,
No, no, no, no way,
No, no, no, no way I’m givin’ up on you.
Oh, I’m not givin’ up on you,
I’m not givin’ up on you.
I don’t wanna be free.
I’m stayin’,
I’m stayin’,
And you, and you,
You’re gonna rub me.
Oh, hey, you’re gonna rub me,
Yes, ah, ooh, ooh, rub me,
Ooh, ooh, ooh, rub me,
Rub me,
Rub me,
Rub me,
Rub me.
You’re gonna rub me.