The safest thing for your family is not to keep a patriot in your home.
If you must, remember to empty him out and lock him up.
Use a footlocker or flip-top freezer. And keep the key with you at all
times.

Make sure that your children and teens know that patriots are dangerous,
And that they must never touch or pick up a patriot except in your presence.
Tell them that it is never appropriate to use a patriot to settle an
argument.

That said, it's important to clean and inspect your patriot regularly.
If he breaks, do not try to fix him yourself; seek out a specialist.
Above all, never show off or talk about your patriot casually at party.
He most likely will not enjoy the demonstration.





Once upon a time Father came down with a split personality. Mother didn't know what to make of it, so Sister and Brother made a lot of it. Going to the liquor cabinet in the mornings, gambling on the riverboat in the afternoons. They were 41, 35, 14, and 12. None of them ever knew how much money to take along. "How much for an ice cream cone?" Father would ask, and Sister would say what she could never regret, "More than you can afford." Evenings were pleasant sitting in the screened-in porch without screens, contemplating suicide but rarely doing much about it. For a long time the windfall apples wouldn't fall and Father would grow irritable, get up, throttle the tree with his belt or get the lawnmower out of the shed and ram it into the tree trunk back and forth. Once Brother tied a cowbell to Father's ankle. He told Mother it was something he'd seen in a movie or read in a book, he couldn't recall. Mother nodded, went into the kitchen, and asked her imaginary lover to make poached eggs, bacon, and waffles. She was a large woman and Sister and Brother knew her heart was in there somewhere, so they let her keep her job.





For the good of the country, I have to write an essay on The Great
Gatsby. I'd truly appreciate your help, even though I don't have thesis yet.
(Teacher said I have to consult him first.) Still, it would be ideal if you
could answer the following question: Can cars symbolize the main points and
foreshadow the plots of the novel?

I already know that the color green is important to love somebody. And
that black is evil unless it's for a scab that's beginning to heal. But I
don't understand why the Gatsby wants a woman named Daisy. Daisies are like
pansies in disguise, right? I know I'm new to this, so feel free to negate
me. Teacher says all true things are open to penetration.
 

 
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© Mark Yakich 2006.

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