Ankush Sachdeva

5 am
sleep far far away
like a promise
you know that's never gonna be kept
the moment somebody
utters it

I love you she whispers
into your ear before reaching down
to unzip your pants, shzippp!, and for a second
you compel yourself to believe it
the sliding down of your trousers
her thumbs hooked into your shorts
before she pulls them off
the want on her face
how sweet it would be
if it would all end right here
right this minute
before morning comes
and you wake up
to find her gone, and with her
all the love, even if it was just lust, it seemed to sustain
it seemed enough, the touch the feel of her body
against your fingertips

Outside cows have just been awoken
untethered by the cowherds
and soon, they will be led to pastures
where they will feed all day long
chomping on patches of grass
tails swaying swish swish side to side
keeping mosquitoes and other insects out of their asses

Every day in this village
holds a promise to these cows
a promise to be led to meadows
and be fed

What about us?
What about me?
I'm human
all I want is boundless love
but it seems that there are limits
to all things
that are requisite

If I could just get myself to
want tomorrow
maybe then daylight
wouldn't seem so dull
the bed, not so empty
the pillow, not the only face in the world left to kiss
if I could just make one more attempt
to want the sun to rise again
maybe then
sleep would sink in

We're in the dormitory and Vaskar
is playing with a khukhri, which is
a type of long broad gorkha regiment
knife, slashing wooden beams & cupboards
chop chop chop gutting mattresses & pillows
letting loose their fluff, jabbing hard into the air
with snarls and grunts, stabbing imaginary men
with muscled thrusts, twisting the knife in their
stomachs & smiling wide eyed, with pride
as he eyes their invisible fallen innards
and Manish is on his bed sniffing glue
and Ashish is watching Vaskar amused
and I'm sitting there watching him too
when Vaskar suddenly grabs my shirt
presses the edge of the knife on my throat
and, as the steel skidded into my skin, whispered
do you think you have the balls now, fucker
to call me an asshole.

Copyright © Ankush Sachdeva 2003. All rights reserved.

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