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Ah...
I am in constant mourning for everyone
the fridge hums a dirge all day
the photos of the deceased
stare from the page
hopelessly
-Natvarili
Is it the passing of the years?
The newest wrinkle on my neck?
Is it the first gray strand
in my son's hair?
Most days I am content
with line and yeasty bread,
with tree and snowy fields
and honey in my chamomile.
But then there are these moments
when the black hole that is life,
(or is it death?) yawns hugely,
clacks yellowed teeth, whistles
a syncopated requiem; I always mean
to write out in those moments how
my farewells are to be said; the music
(Ella Fitzgerald, Satchmo, Benny Moré)
for the dancing at the head of the cortège,
the later slower strains (Concerto for Mandolin,
Vivaldi, and some of Enya, or dark strains
of Piazzolla) for meditation on the taste
of life and death; I always get distracted,
will probably miss my funeral, pyre
will burn without me, my children having paid
for funeral meats, champagne and cha-cha-chá
will wonder how it is again that I am late...
and yet I mourn the touch of Larry's hand
upon my cheek and his caressing voice
(I'd call his office just to listen to the message
on his voicemail), I mourn the lack of seas
that I may never see again, my tropical
bluegreen with white spun sugar sand,
I mourn now dead illusions,
misconceptions, the restaurants
that failed, the men I loved whose names
escape me, the feel of baby bottoms
after diapers had been changed...
At sixteen I wore melancholy on my face;
at fifty-four remember sixteen's eyes
and think how much time wasted...
Time out for chamomile and honey,
for fresh-baked bread with butter,
for old Neruda lines and taste of kisses
in this melancholy brain, and pleasant dreams
and planetary turnings for the day
may bring rejoicings or calamities,
with hey ho, wind and rain.
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Silvia Brandon Pérez, born in
1949 in La Habana, Cuba, is a full-time activist for peace and
social justice these days... She writes in English and
Spanish, has been variously published in print and online in
both languages, poetry as well as prose, and is the
editor of the Spanish edition of Niederngasse, a
multilingual poetry magazine, print and online, which
can be found at www.niederngasse.com.
Her first bilingual book of poetry is coming out soon from El
Taller del Poeta, Spain.
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